..:: dogs life ::..

Would you trade places with this little gal?

I'll tell you what, some days I sure think that I would like to.

Do you think that sounds stupid? Well, hear me out first...

Let me give you a brief glimpse of Chonte's typical day:

1. Sleep in till 9:00
2. Get picked up and carried outside to take care of necessary business.
3. Get picked up and carried back inside after necessary business has been taken care of.
4. Get lavished with praises, petting, and tasty treats simply for taking care of necessary business.
5. Take another 15 minute nap on the couch.
6. Get picked up and carried to comfy bed, which has been carefully prepared on back porch where you proceed to nap comfortably in the warm sun for the next 4 hours and stare at the beautiful mountains while master goes to work to slave away for money to pay bills and put food on table.
7. Awake from nap to the sound of master entering house for lunch break.
8. Get showered with more praises, petting and more tasty treats simply because you did such a good job of lounging lazily in the sun for the past four hours.
9. Get fed a tasty mid-day meal.
10. Get another tasty treat treat for finishing your tasty meal.
11. Get carried outside to take care of necessary business.
12. Get carried back inside and showered with praises, petting and treats for taking care of necessary business.
13. Switch comfy bed from back porch to front porch because that is where the warm sunshine is shining in the afternoon.
14. Wave goodbye to poor unfortunate master who has to go back to work to slave away for another 4 hours of grueling work to pay bills and put food on the table.
    
15. Spend next three hours watching attractive neighbor dogs of opposite sex strut their stuff up and down the block and barking ferociously at the competition who is vying for "alpha dog" title.
    
16. Chew on beefy barbecue-basted, chewy treat master has left to help you pass the time.
17. Daydream until you fall asleep in the warm sunshine.
18. Wake up to the sound of masters car pulling up the driveway after a long hard day of work.
19. Get showered with praises, petting and tasty treat for doing such a wonderful job of relaxing in the sun all afternoon.
20. Go on a stimulating walk around the block a few times to get the heart pumping, and maintain that shapely figure.
21. Wag bushy tail, and bat eyelashes at sexy dog next door.
22. Pee on every fence post, tree stump, and un-mowed blade of grass in yard of evil competition who is vying for "alpha dog" status and the love of sexy dog next door.
23. Return home happy, invigorated and ready for another nap.
24. Get showered with more praises and petting... just because "your so cute"
25. Nap on couch until dinner is ready.
26. Get served tasty dinner from master.
27. Get showered with more praises, petting and tasty treats for finishing dinner.
28. Relax on couch while master cleans up and does dishes.
29. Get carried outside to take care of necessary business.
30. Get showered with... well, you know the drill.
31. Have a stimulating game of "get the doggie" before bedtime.
32. Take position in customary spot at foot of masters bed for a good nights sleep after a hard day's work.

Now do you see what I mean.

Trading places with "the Chonster" doesn't sound like too bad of a deal to me... at least for a day. Unfortunately Chonte doesn't seem to be quite as excited about the idea as I was.

..:: time for a change ::..

Yep...it is that time again... time for an oil change. I have taken it upon myself to change the oil in my Isuzu Rodeo the last few times it has needed it, not because I particularly enjoy it, not even because I am cheep and trying to save a few bucks... no, I have done it myself because Wal-Mart has refused to change my oil any more because they say my engine has a knock in it, and they are afraid to touch it, for fear that I will sue them should my engine blow-up as I am leaving the Wal-Mart parking lot. - True story! (Those 'Wal-Martians' are a bit weird if you ask me.)

Anyway, that is why I have been forced to take this dirty, time consuming, slightly annoying and all-to tedious of a task upon my own shoulders. (Although I will admit, it does satisfy some underlying masculine desire to be the master and commander of your own machine. ;-) But that's another story for another blog post.

Today I have decided to go with the low end Wal-Mart special Super-Tech brand of oil. Again, not because I am a cheapskate, but because my poor little Rodeo is old, sickly, and frankly I don't really think he would notice the difference between the $1.40 Wal-Mart brand and the $3.50 high-end brand anyway.


Ain't this a pretty view?

Darn Wal-Martians... who cares if the engine has a knock... can't I just sign a waiver or something... just change the freakin' oil people... I won't sue... I promise!


Gross...

Though there may be an understated "manly satisfaction" from changing your own oil, I am secure enough in my manhood to admit that I will NEVER enjoy the feeling - or the smell - of dirty used oil smeared all over my hands and arms.

Darn Wal-Martians!


As I unscrew the oil filter and try to remove it from the tangled web of iron that makes up the front portion of my engine, I somehow manage to get the darn thing wedged between a bolt and the metal frame of my front bumper... I struggle for 20 minutes trying to remove it!

Urrghhh!... Darn Wal-Martians!


When I finally get the stupid oil filter un-stuck, I crawl out from beneath my engine to see my dog Chonte cracking a smirk as she tries not to laugh at me. -- I'm glad to see someone is enjoying this fiasco.

Darn Wal-Martians!

I could be playing pool right now... or watching old re-runs of MASH... anything but this!!!

Oh yeah... and wipe that smirk off your face Chonte!

Finally, the messy part is over. Now all I got to do is fill the engine with the new oil, then I can call it a day.


Check out my sweet redneck oil funnel... a sawed-off coke bottle! How "redneck" is that! Shhh...don't tell anybody else about that one. But hey... it was free and it got the job done.

Mission accomplished. I feel somewhat satisfied in a job well done, but mostly I just feel like I wasted an hour-and-a-half of my life on something I really was not cut out to do in the first place...

Darn Wal-Martians!